2003-10-11 @ 5:44 p.m.
this must be the end of the line.
so sick of cast drama. tired of people getting hurt. i know i have absolutely nothing to do with it, i'm just trying to be a good friend to everyone. i love (almost) everyone on cast. they're all so great, so much fun to spend time with.sometimes i want to quit so badly, just because i'm so tired of everything, but inevitably, i'll talk to someone on cast, or i'll perform that weekend or something, and all that feeling goes away, just because part of me loves it so much and knows that the only chance i ever have at performing is performing on RHPS shadowcasts, no matter how big my dreams are. yeah, i want to be a musician for the rest of my life. the odds of actually getting to do it are slim to none, no matter how hard i try, no matter how talented i think i am. i'm probably wrong anyway, i usually am.
i'm just really sick of the cast drama. i'm trying so hard to be a good friend to everyone and just sit and give them advice and whatnot, but part of me just wants to yell "get the fuck over it! it's not the end of the goddamn world!" drama happens. it's inevitable. the secret is to just deal with it and move on.
i'm tired of the shit-talking. i know people on cast talk shit about me. part of me cares...who wouldn't? but the other part is just saying "it doesn't matter. these people hardly know me. it's not like i've known them since birth." i don't talk shit about anyone on cast. i love all of these people so much (people that spring to mind immediately are jessi, lindsey, and courtney), and i don't want to hurt them.
god. whatever. i'm sorry if this hurts anyone, i don't mean to. just my thoughts.
please, just end it all. i'm so sick of it.
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